Sunday, September 27, 2009

Co-dependency Revisited/Currents Can Pull You Down

My husband, also a teacher and also 49, is in the middle of a depression, touched off by recent medical issues but something that has been building for a couple of years. While he struggles to find peace and joy in his life again, I sometimes feel like I have walked out in a strong current in the ocean, with the undertow pulling me away from shore. Sometimes I just want to let it take me. I know I'm in danger of sounding really whiny, but it isn't easy being the caretaker, the one who organizes things, makes doctors appointments, checking to see that he is "alright" when of course he isn't really "alright." But then again, what IS normal? This reminds me of my childhood with a physcially disabled, and sometimes depressed, mother. I was so happy the day I moved out and into my own apartment, so that I only was responsible for myself, even though I love her dearly!

On a much happier note, my son, who is a high school junior, FINALLY got his schedule straight and he is in four "good" classes - one International Baccalaureate elective, two AP, and the last Spanish he needs. He dropped out of IB this year, due to heavy work load and dislike for the A/B schedule, but AP pickings are slim at his school. Tragic that most of the students DON'T want an education, and they make it insufferable for the ones who DO. I really think public middle and high school are "dinosaurs," soon to be extinct in the education field. Those who can afford it use private schooling, and more and more families are drawn to home schooling in the upper grades. The safety issues are just not worth it! I don't think this is the situation our founding fathers imagined for education in America.

Saturday, September 26, 2009

Dolphins at Play - Great Start to Day!

My husband and I walked on the beach this morning, and saw dozens of dolphins in the north channel. Several did high, out of the water jumps, and a couple of others did back flips. Such joyous, beautiful animals!

Thursday, September 24, 2009

Racism and Prejudice - Ebb & Flow

I walked on the beach this morning, before errands and before housework! Lots of wind, whitecaps and foam, and hardly any tourists!

I want to talk about the white elephant in the room, or to use another symbol, the stinking, dead fish on the beach that everyone just walks by, holding their breath. That would be racism. My son came home from high school yesterday, aghast and perplexed that so many fellow students feel it is perfectly acceptable to talk about things like "beating up gay guys" or "how much they hate white people." He attends a public high school with about an 80/20 black/white racial balance and a 10/90 gifted to low achieving balance; he is decidedly in the minority. As a political independent, I voted for Mr. Obama, and I'm glad I did, though I admit I'm disappointed at the push and confusion of the health care reform bill. I still believe he will make strides in global relations. I realize, however, that I was naive to think that a mixed race President could heal the divide between the races just by taking office. Now some African Americans might say I am just experiencing what they did for so long - point taken. But why, decades after the civil rights movement, do I have to hope and pray that my son makes it home safely? Why does anyone have to? Schools have become like jails - see through bookbags, metal detectors, constant searches, no doors on restrooms - built to keep unruly students in, and earnest, hard working students out. I don't think any healing can take place until we can admit there's a problem here, and bury the dead fish.

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Tides of Diane - Tide Changes

I've been riding out a "rough current" in my life lately. I'm a middle aged mother, wife and unemployed teacher - looking for sanity, looking for work, looking for calm waters, looking for patience - not necessarily in that order.